The butter wash, the Salvation Mountain, the bananas

In the past month I've found things that make it all better. I'm not talking about making bad situations better (though that's true), I'm talking about life. Things that make my life feel like it is really worth something. Do you understand how huge that is? Coming from someone who never doubted it, but always questioned the timing and placement of events...I feel so...sublimely understood.

Leonard Knight constructed and painted this mountain in the desert as a tribute to his faith. I am not a religious person, but I think the dedication to what he loved is breathtaking. If you love something so much that it steers your entire life in a positive direction, what's wrong with that? Not a damn thing.

There aren't many people that I look up to creatively. There's one high school teacher, one actress, one artist, and a few musicians. That's it. I don't relate to people, I only seem to relate to ideas. Which is fine - I think it's healthy to be that way, actually - but I sometimes feel like I'm flailing because I don't know where I'm going. I have no frame of reference.

I'm just overthinking. I know that if I just relax and go wherever my life takes me, things work out really well. It's only when I become...aware haha... that things start to spiral out of control. Not a bad problem to have, right?

I wonder where I would be had I placed my focus on art from the beginning instead of music. Probably right here. I'm supposed to be right here. I just would have walked here instead of flying :)

I have a lot to say (finally!) butttt I'm going to shut up and post these pictures instead. We went to Salvation Mountain and wandered around in 100 degree heat and then stumbled upon the International Museum of Bananas on our way back home, lol. There are also pictures from Salton Sea, but those will be in a future post because I'm gonna do something special with them! BEHOLD:

A surreal weekend as a whole. Sunday Cindy and I went to the Egyptian Theatre to see that X-Files event that I talked about in my last post. I sat...in the same room...as Chris Carter...and watched 2 episodes on a big screen. The girl in front of me had Mulder & Scully barbie dolls. I felt very at home.

You should also go look at Cindy's post about all this, because she captured a lot of things that I did not!

WHAT'S NEXT, LIFE?

Photo Locations: Salvation Mountain (Niland, CA), International Banana Museum (Mecca, CA) 

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The day I believed in love, the day I didn't

I've had this empty draft of a post saved for days and days because I haven't felt like writing anything or even posting photos from the past couple weeks.

I went back to Baseman's exhibit last weekend and met him for a few minutes. That guy...

Friday night a friend/coworker had his first art show with his girlfriend and a couple other photographers; his work was amazing and so was the barebox/his apartment (his apartment is seriously so awesome that his neighbors turned it into a gallery).

I'm going to Salvation Mountain near Palm Springs this Saturday and next. This weekend with Cindy and Lily, and the next for sunrise with BV. I don't even care if it's 110 degrees, and I also don't care that it's super Jesus-y, because it's sooo beautiful to look at. Don't know what I'm talking about? Look. I can't wait I can't wait!!! Photos are going to be AMAZING.

On Sunday I'm going to this event at the Egyptian Theatre. A look at the ART AND DESIGN of the X-FILES....screening 2 of my favorite episodes...and Chris Carter will be there. So if I suddenly stop blogging forever, you can just assume I've died of happiness.

My heart has been all over the fucking place in the past month. In love, out of love, sad, happy, evil, pure. I feel at ease with the great weather and my amazing friends, but if I'm left alone with my own thoughts for too long (sans a good TV show to watch), shit gets weird. Will I EVER stop feeling like this? I know it's a stupid question, but for fuck's sake, I usually feel so happy and I'd like that back.

I might as well ask here since mayyyybe some of you might consider purchasing something someday: Of sketches you've seen, which styles do you like? If you were to buy my artwork on something, what would it be? (Phone case? Print? greeting card? Can be anything at all, I'm just gathering ideas.) ANY opinions and comments would be reeeeeally helpful. Even if it's just, "Hanna you suck, please stop blowing up my Instagram feed 30x a day with your doodles." If you don't think you've seen enough of them (I actually haven't posted very many here, so I suppose that's a possibility), they're all here.

I think I'm done with words. I made a playlist, because music and art are all I've got in terms of organized feeling and thought. YOU may not think this playlist is organized (do you ever, honestly?) but it's workin for me.

01. The Fool And Me (Robin Trower)

02. As Far As I Can See (Phantogram)

03. Get Yourself Another Fool (Arthur Conley)

04. Pale Blue Eyes (The Velvet Underground)

05. April Fools (Rufus Wainwright)

06. Down In Mexico (The Coasters)

07. Cecilia (Simon & Garfunkel)

08. Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic (The Police)

09. Quicksand (David Bowie)

10. High Living (Toro Y Moi)

11. Mr. W (Culver City Dub Collective)

12. Oh Yeah (Bat For Lashes)

13. Apostrophe' (Frank Zappa)

14. The Bewlay Brothers (David Bowie)

15. So Long, Marianne (Leonard Cohen)

Listen and subscribe here.

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The door is always open

Once in a while I can feel a person's energy when I walk into a room. I feel them and I learn about them with considerable ease through split-second flashes that my brain gives me - pictures of the way they live or the way I might experience life with them. Blue and white stripes, a breeze on a balcony overlooking red and brown rooftops, pajama pants, a drink in my right hand, and music playing while he works. The feeling is so real that sometimes I question whether there are two separate halves of me: one half venturing off to experience that moment while the other sits calmly, waiting for the report.

I'm in the strangest state of mind. I fall in love so deeply and so effortlessly and so fleetingly. I'm in love with 2 or 3 people at a time because I can't help it. I fall in love with places, times, words. I feel everything at once and then it's gone. Infatuation looks good on me.

I have trouble looking at love as an everlasting state of union although I suppose it's everlasting in that I still feel warmth and gratitude from it after it's gone. It's not that I don't believe in being with someone forever, but I tend to see love as a set of individual moments in time where I experience pure bliss. These moments are selfless and sweet, and they're all I think about.

(the photos above are from arrestedmotion.com)

I left Gary Baseman's show at the Skirball last night feeling so thankful and inspired that today I actually feel lightweight, like a block of worry has been released from my head. In order to translate the intense love that I sometimes feel, I absolutely must let go of anything holding me back. I will be thankful to Baseman forever for helping me see that.

If people don't like what I do, I won't let myself give them another thought. I've made a promise to myself to finally communicate all the love that I have to give, and it's honestly the most important thing I've ever done. If I've gotten this far in my life with all my worries and judgement, I cannot wait to see where I go now that I'm free from it.

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